I haven't come up with a name for it yet, but my title will be "Punisher of Stupid." I will avail myself to all who need my service. My business plan is simple: stupidity should be painful and I will make it so on one level or another. The idiot that shoves their way onto a crowded elevator as soon as the doors open (rather than waiting for people to exit), the moron who whips past you at 60mph in a 20mph zone to cut in front of you half a car length before a stop sign and locks up their brakes, or anyone you've ever seen on an episode of "Jerry Springer" are the kinds of people I am talking about. Senators and congressmen/women are also prime targets. What I plan to do is have the oldest, wrinkliest, dirtiest, fattest, and most uninhibited person I can find dress up as an FTD (or Fed-Ex or UPS or whatever) delivery person and make delivery of a very special package to the stupid person in question. At the moment of delivery, they strip off their uniform (like in the "Full Monty" movie) and start swinging all their old wrinkly bits about while singing "The Asshole Song" or something similar. All of their old, dirty, and especially dangly bits will be appropriately covered with something sequined and sporting a tassel of some sort. This will be done as the package is ceremoniously opened, revealing a thoughtfully arranged bouquet of dildos.
Of course, that would only be for male or lesbian clients. For the gay men and straight women, those fake rubber vaginas would serve just as well. Cost of delivery would include the price of the dildos (or vaginas), travel, and bail for the delivery person. If anyone would like to invest, send me a lot of money now and get in on the ground floor.
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