You have the power.

     I fucking hate Rush Limbaugh.  And Glenn Beck, too, that guy is a total asshole.  Add Howard Stern and Imus to that list as well.  I also think that TV and movie stars--or any other kind of entertainer for that matter--who try to use their celebrity to influence my thinking (about politics or whatever the current popular cause is in Hollywood) are complete fucking idiots.
     Imus got fired from his job for saying something stupid.  The Dixie Chicks had to suffer for some remarks they made.  Rush Limbaugh is losing sponsors left and right because of his own stupidity.  Jesse Ventura got punched in the mouth by Chris Kyle for spouting off.  Google that one if y'all don't know the story.  There are lots of other examples, but the point is, speech isn't as free as you think.  Legally, you can say pretty much anything you want as long as you don't incite violence toward anyone.  Hell, the First Amendment doesn't even say that, that's just how the legal beagles in our court system have worked it out over the years.  But running your yap can sometimes cost you, as the aforementioned knuckleheads have come to find out.
     Understand that I am not condoning or condemning the public backlash against anyone foolish enough to earn the whimsical wrath of the American people.  Instead, I would like to offer a solution to the problem of oral diarrhea that seems to plague so many public figures:
     Just don't listen to them.
     You don't like what someone on TV has to say?  Turn the channel.  On the radio?  Find another station.  In a book?  Then don't read it.  You don't like porn?  Then quit looking at it.  Because these people have every right to spout whatever kind of crap they want.  It's useless to start a whining contest about someone else's rhetoric.  If you really want to make an impact on what kind of people work in the business of feeding you information, just exercise your right to not listen.  Imagine if nobody tuned into CNN's 24-7 election coverage to watch Wolf Blitzer stand around twiddling his thumbs while no data comes in from poling stations and yet they try to make you think it's the most important thing in the world.  They would have to stop being idiots because it would stop making them money.  I've said it before and I will say it again: stupidity should be painful.  You have an easy way to make it so for all of these talking heads:
     Turn the damn channel already.

I want to start a new business.

     I haven't come up with a name for it yet, but my title will be "Punisher of Stupid."  I will avail myself to all who need my service.  My business plan is simple: stupidity should be painful and I will make it so on one level or another.  The idiot that shoves their way onto a crowded elevator as soon as the doors open (rather than waiting for people to exit), the moron who whips past you at 60mph in a 20mph zone to cut in front of you half a car length before a stop sign and locks up their brakes, or anyone you've ever seen on an episode of "Jerry Springer" are the kinds of people I am talking about.  Senators and congressmen/women are also prime targets.  What I plan to do is have the oldest, wrinkliest, dirtiest, fattest, and most uninhibited person I can find dress up as an FTD (or Fed-Ex or UPS or whatever) delivery person and make delivery of a very special package to the stupid person in question.  At the moment of delivery, they strip off their uniform (like in the "Full Monty" movie) and start swinging all their old wrinkly bits about while singing "The Asshole Song" or something similar.  All of their old, dirty, and especially dangly bits will be appropriately covered with something sequined and sporting a tassel of some sort.  This will be done as the package is ceremoniously opened, revealing a thoughtfully arranged bouquet of dildos.
     Of course, that would only be for male or lesbian clients.  For the gay men and straight women, those fake rubber vaginas would serve just as well.  Cost of delivery would include the price of the dildos (or vaginas), travel, and bail for the delivery person.  If anyone would like to invest, send me a lot of money now and get in on the ground floor.

All dogs bite.

     I have two canines.  Both have some wolf in them.  The male weighs in at a hundred pounds, the female about sixty.  They are attractive, well-mannered animals, with pleasant dispositions.  They constantly garner attention because of this.  Most of the time the person or people who are approaching them ask the same question:
     "Does your dog bite?"
     I always reply with the only truthful answer there is to that question:
     "All dogs bite."
     Then I go on to explain that if they are willing to treat the animals with respect and courtesy that it will be returned.  Hold your hand down so that they may sniff it first.  If the animal turns away, growls, or otherwise acts in a fashion that is not outgoing, it is best to leave it alone.  If the animal rubs against your hand or licks you or otherwise acts in a friendly fashion, then the petting may ensue.
     Really stupid people commit three dog sins.  Two are unforgivable.
     The thing I can forgive, but not condone, is done out of ignorance and fear.  A tentative or fearful person will nervously reach high into the air over the animal's head to try and sneak a pet in without the animal's consent.  This is how most people get bitten.  Think about it.  If I walked up to you on the street and suddenly reached up behind your neck, you would more than likely react in a violent way as well.  So why try it with another living thing, if you wouldn't want it done to yourself?
     The first unforgivable sin is committed by stupid dog owners.  They all tell the same lie, "My dog doesn't bite."  This is often delivered in an exclamatory tone, usually as their animal is attacking another animal or person.  That makes as much sense to me as punching someone in the face and then saying, "I don't punch people," as you continue to hit them.
     In most of the instances I have seen when this happens, the stupid dog owner was committing the second unforgivable sin: walking their animal without a leash.  This includes letting it run loose in your yard, if it is not fenced in.  No matter how nice the animal's personality is, or how long you have known the dog to react with Buddha-like serenity to any of your foolishness or that of others, it is still an animal.  If the animal is not under your control, you really cannot say what it will or will not do...but I can:
     Given the right provocation, your dog (or anyone else's) will bite, fight, and even kill.  Typically, most will also give up their life for you for the sake of nothing more than a kind word.  But they cannot understand laws or codes of moral obligations.
     That is your job.
     Because all dogs bite.