And you thought video games were bad.

     I have seen trouble caused by soccer before, but this takes the cake!  Please, everyone, if you know someone who is playing soccer, or thinking about playing it, or if you see one of those soccer moms with the magnetic sticker shaped like the ball on the back of her minivan, intervene now and help stamp out this imported menace before it can infect any more of our people.  Keep your children indoors, as any kind of physical activity can be a gateway to soccer.   Ideally you should have your whole family seated in front of a game console 24 hours a day--playing Call of Duty or one of the Skyrims...or even...yes, if you must...even Dance Dance Revolution--whatever games it will take to keep your loved ones inside and thus safely away from the perils of athletic activity.  Otherwise, they might end up drawn and quartered, too.