After hearing what this cheese loving lady did I just had to make a short post about it. I mean, I like cheese, but I'm not willing to kill for it. She apparently is, although I'm not sure her choice of poisons would have proved lethal to her family members. I also don't think her new cellmate will be any more willing to share their cheese, either.
I just want to add that I am going to the Blade Show next week. It is the world's largest knife show, held annually in Atlanta. I just learned how to properly insert a link with this post. I will make the effort to learn how to post pictures for the one about Blade. Also, we have a holiday coming up. I might do a Memorial Day post. I might not.
I expect that it will be determined by how much Jack Danial's I have had (or not had) to drink that day.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
This one is about Caylee's Law.
I read in the news this morning that "Caylee's Law" is headed to our Governor's desk. I am certain that Mr. McCrory will approve it. It passed with a unanimous vote in the state house yesterday (Tuesday, 7MAY2013). I'd like to talk for a second about the law.
"Caylee's Law" is named for the slain daughter of an Orlando, Florida resident named Casey Anthony. If none of my readers are familiar with this topic, go Google it real quick, I will wait right here. Up to speed now? Great, back to the law. It makes not reporting your child missing after they have been gone 24 hours a crime. It also makes not reporting a child in danger a crime, though that is only a misdemeanor offense (and not a felony) apparently. The law increases the penalty for people who knowingly make false reports about such crimes, too. Lastly, it makes it illegal to not report the death of a child.
No wonder it passed unanimously, right?
I'm sure everyone who is reading this, particularly those who were media-bombed daily (regarding this tragedy and Casey Anthony's train wreck of a life) during her trial, are glad to hear these tidings. In fact, I'm sure just about everyone is thrilled that this law was finally passed. It says we are a just nation with our hearts and minds focused on our children. Our politicians can rest well tonight knowing that they did a great job, creating some much-needed legislation. At least, everyone I have spoken to thinks that.
Well, I don't.
I think what it really says about us as a nation isn't fit to be spoken out loud, much less written down. What kind of nation have we become, what does it say about us as a people, when we have to make laws that twist our own arms in order to get crimes against our children--particularly abductions and murders--reported?
This is not the America of my youth. I know and accept that. Everything changes over time. This change, however, I do most emphatically not accept. It is so terrible and tragic a failure that I will not deride it with my usual sarcasm or ranting. Instead, I will just put it into words today's desensitized and media-addicted internet culture can understand:
Epic fail.
On all of us.
"Caylee's Law" is named for the slain daughter of an Orlando, Florida resident named Casey Anthony. If none of my readers are familiar with this topic, go Google it real quick, I will wait right here. Up to speed now? Great, back to the law. It makes not reporting your child missing after they have been gone 24 hours a crime. It also makes not reporting a child in danger a crime, though that is only a misdemeanor offense (and not a felony) apparently. The law increases the penalty for people who knowingly make false reports about such crimes, too. Lastly, it makes it illegal to not report the death of a child.
No wonder it passed unanimously, right?
I'm sure everyone who is reading this, particularly those who were media-bombed daily (regarding this tragedy and Casey Anthony's train wreck of a life) during her trial, are glad to hear these tidings. In fact, I'm sure just about everyone is thrilled that this law was finally passed. It says we are a just nation with our hearts and minds focused on our children. Our politicians can rest well tonight knowing that they did a great job, creating some much-needed legislation. At least, everyone I have spoken to thinks that.
Well, I don't.
I think what it really says about us as a nation isn't fit to be spoken out loud, much less written down. What kind of nation have we become, what does it say about us as a people, when we have to make laws that twist our own arms in order to get crimes against our children--particularly abductions and murders--reported?
This is not the America of my youth. I know and accept that. Everything changes over time. This change, however, I do most emphatically not accept. It is so terrible and tragic a failure that I will not deride it with my usual sarcasm or ranting. Instead, I will just put it into words today's desensitized and media-addicted internet culture can understand:
Epic fail.
On all of us.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
So, why wolves?
I'm going to give a kind of rambling answer because I get asked this question a lot. It usually happens like this: someone meets my canines, is impressed by them and compliments me on my great dogs, and then I let whoever it is know that they aren't really dogs. Of course, they aren't really wolves, either, since they aren't full-blooded. That would make them members of an endangered species and while getting an endangered species handling permit is a pain in the ass it is nothing compared to the monumental act of douche baggery that keeping something that should be left in the wild to be free truly is.
For anyone reading for the first time, I have two wolf mixes. You don't call them wolf hybrids because wolves and dogs are both canines and thus are from the same species. It is a common mistake, especially on the Internet. To clarify things by way of an example, if you crossed a jellyfish (an cnidarian) with a bird (an avian), the resulting creation would be a hybrid. (Okay, am I the only one who suddenly wants a flying attack jellybirdfish pet? Holy crap, those would be cool!) Anyway, I have a male Black Siberian husky who is a quarter timber wolf (also known as grey wolves and Canis lupus) and a female red wolf (also known as Canis rufus) that is about ten percent red Siberian husky. The female is called Winter and the male is called Cort (which, as it turns out, is Gaelic for 'braver than he is smart'). Fun fact: all wolves and dogs in existence today are offshoots of these two wolf breeds.
I have a bunch of reasons, which I will now post in no particular order. One thing I really hate is how 'dog breeds' have come to represent appallingly inbred animals with the minds of puppies and bodies that are so wracked with defects that they can barely function as living organisms. Mutts are way better, but still end up grown animals with the minds of puppies, because that is the number one trait that has been selected for since we partnered up with canines at least thirty-five thousand years ago. The canine was the first animal domesticated by man, and I reckon we have done a pretty good job of adapting to each other
Wolves and wolf-mixes, on the other hand, actually grow up. They don't want to spend every second of the day cringing at your feet or fawning over you or begging to be petted. It's more of a "Hey, scratch my butt," thing. Then they go lay down or get on with whatever other furry business they have. They also make excellent defenders while not being aggressive--as long as you socialize them right. Get them around as many other dogs and people before they are six months old as you can, or they begin to think that anything that isn't 'pack' is 'food'. Wolves also have a sense of humor, can hold grudges, and like all other canines, are excellent tool-users. The tool that all canines prefer the most, of course, is us--human beings. If you don't believe me, ask yourself why you are getting up the next time your dog is scratching at the door or nosing around an empty food bowl. Or why you keep throwing the ball every time they bring it to you.
There are a lot of reasons, I reckon--not all of which I could properly explain. I suppose the one that matters most to me is the look on a dipstick's face as they try to break into your house and a hundred pounds of something that looks like it just came out of "Call of the Wild" pops up on the other side of the window--that is always hella funny.
For anyone reading for the first time, I have two wolf mixes. You don't call them wolf hybrids because wolves and dogs are both canines and thus are from the same species. It is a common mistake, especially on the Internet. To clarify things by way of an example, if you crossed a jellyfish (an cnidarian) with a bird (an avian), the resulting creation would be a hybrid. (Okay, am I the only one who suddenly wants a flying attack jellybirdfish pet? Holy crap, those would be cool!) Anyway, I have a male Black Siberian husky who is a quarter timber wolf (also known as grey wolves and Canis lupus) and a female red wolf (also known as Canis rufus) that is about ten percent red Siberian husky. The female is called Winter and the male is called Cort (which, as it turns out, is Gaelic for 'braver than he is smart'). Fun fact: all wolves and dogs in existence today are offshoots of these two wolf breeds.
I have a bunch of reasons, which I will now post in no particular order. One thing I really hate is how 'dog breeds' have come to represent appallingly inbred animals with the minds of puppies and bodies that are so wracked with defects that they can barely function as living organisms. Mutts are way better, but still end up grown animals with the minds of puppies, because that is the number one trait that has been selected for since we partnered up with canines at least thirty-five thousand years ago. The canine was the first animal domesticated by man, and I reckon we have done a pretty good job of adapting to each other
Wolves and wolf-mixes, on the other hand, actually grow up. They don't want to spend every second of the day cringing at your feet or fawning over you or begging to be petted. It's more of a "Hey, scratch my butt," thing. Then they go lay down or get on with whatever other furry business they have. They also make excellent defenders while not being aggressive--as long as you socialize them right. Get them around as many other dogs and people before they are six months old as you can, or they begin to think that anything that isn't 'pack' is 'food'. Wolves also have a sense of humor, can hold grudges, and like all other canines, are excellent tool-users. The tool that all canines prefer the most, of course, is us--human beings. If you don't believe me, ask yourself why you are getting up the next time your dog is scratching at the door or nosing around an empty food bowl. Or why you keep throwing the ball every time they bring it to you.
There are a lot of reasons, I reckon--not all of which I could properly explain. I suppose the one that matters most to me is the look on a dipstick's face as they try to break into your house and a hundred pounds of something that looks like it just came out of "Call of the Wild" pops up on the other side of the window--that is always hella funny.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
This one's about the America of my youth.
I got the inspiration for this article from my friend who writes the blog, "Random Acts of Patriotism." This is a list of things you used to be able to do in Old America, back when we were free-range children.
You could drink a beer at 18.
You could ride a bike without any safety equipment at all (and we all survived).
You could ride in the back of a pickup truck--and even sit on the sides of the bed as it moved.
You could also do this on the hood of a car in parades or your driveway or wherever.
You could eat your Halloween candy without checking it.
You could also go trick-or-treating without any adult supervision at all and without fear.
You could get thrown out of the house all day by your folks and have no problem with it.
You could smoke cigarettes in school (mine had two areas--one outside and another inside for when it rained).
You could see a gun rack--with guns in it--in lots of trucks every day in your school parking lot.
You could go to school and not get shot--even though we had loaded guns right there in the parking lot.
You could live within your means--because nobody knew how not to like nowadays.
You could actually get music on the radio in the mornings--instead of idiots that talk endlessly.
You could find cartoons on TV every Saturday morning--and they were worth watching, too.
You could drink the water--they only sold it in bottles in Europe and third world countries.
You could live like a king for a day as a kid on just a dollar.
You could drink sodas that came in large glass bottles.
You could hunt down a bunch of those glass bottles and return them to any store for money if you needed some easy cash--like when you'd been thrown out of the house all day.
There's a lot more, but I have to get off my butt and be responsible for awhile. If anyone else has anything they would like to add, please feel free to reply to this post or message me through email or Facebook and who knows, I might do another one of these.
Have a nice trip down Nostalgia Lane.
You could drink a beer at 18.
You could ride a bike without any safety equipment at all (and we all survived).
You could ride in the back of a pickup truck--and even sit on the sides of the bed as it moved.
You could also do this on the hood of a car in parades or your driveway or wherever.
You could eat your Halloween candy without checking it.
You could also go trick-or-treating without any adult supervision at all and without fear.
You could get thrown out of the house all day by your folks and have no problem with it.
You could smoke cigarettes in school (mine had two areas--one outside and another inside for when it rained).
You could see a gun rack--with guns in it--in lots of trucks every day in your school parking lot.
You could go to school and not get shot--even though we had loaded guns right there in the parking lot.
You could live within your means--because nobody knew how not to like nowadays.
You could actually get music on the radio in the mornings--instead of idiots that talk endlessly.
You could find cartoons on TV every Saturday morning--and they were worth watching, too.
You could drink the water--they only sold it in bottles in Europe and third world countries.
You could live like a king for a day as a kid on just a dollar.
You could drink sodas that came in large glass bottles.
You could hunt down a bunch of those glass bottles and return them to any store for money if you needed some easy cash--like when you'd been thrown out of the house all day.
There's a lot more, but I have to get off my butt and be responsible for awhile. If anyone else has anything they would like to add, please feel free to reply to this post or message me through email or Facebook and who knows, I might do another one of these.
Have a nice trip down Nostalgia Lane.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Ladies, take heed.
So a prank with a mannequin or two from some store in Sweden seems to have caused a ruckus online, just because they depict a more realistic body image for women. (You can check it out at http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/she-the-people/wp/2013/03/16/what-a-swedish-mannequin-hoax-reveals-about-body-image/ to see what the fuss is all about.) Why is it a surprise that men don't actually want a woman who looks like a twelve year old boy in sack dress? We like curves! Hips and tits! Oh, and when the hell did 'plus sized' come to mean a woman with a normal figure? And what jackass made it out to be a negative thing? Because I did not authorize that.
Personally, I think I'm hella lucky. I am currently living in sin with a white girl that has a black girl's booty. It doesn't get any better than that. Also, I have a theory about this whole thing: any guy who looks at an anorexic hermaphrodite on the cover of Cosmo or Elle or whatever rag is currently telling you to upchuck your lunch for the sake of a size 0 dress is probably a bone stabber anyway, so forget 'em. But it isn't the pedophiles writing that crap--and it isn't men, either. It's you women who are doing this to yourselves. And because of that, I have been charged by all of the males of our species to make a public service announcement about this practice. Here it is:
STOP IT ALREADY DAMNIT!
If you need that in a different format, I can do it with math:
Kirstie Alley > Calista Flockhart
Y'all got the picture? Please eat a steak, some potatoes, and whatever dessert you want. Hell, have two-with ice cream. I wont tell. And you can still work out if you want, and get into whatever physical shape you feel is the best for your health. No one will try to stop you. Just stop trying to look like prepubescent boys, it's freaking creepy and all the folks with Y chromosomes are more than a little concerned for your health. Except for the douche bags, but they don't count anyway because they are probably pedophiles (as explained above). Lastly, if you happen to be one of those unfortunate women who are undersized naturally, I have some good news. I have asked around and some women who have been especially blessed in the curve department are willing to share a little of their genetic good fortune in order to allow for a groundbreaking new surgery I have developed--a reverse of the liposuction procedure, if you will. Ladies, I give you lipoinduction! Now let's make size 12 or 14 the new zero, okay?
There goes my phone. I bet it's the Nobel Institute, finally getting around to recognizing my genius.
Laters.
Personally, I think I'm hella lucky. I am currently living in sin with a white girl that has a black girl's booty. It doesn't get any better than that. Also, I have a theory about this whole thing: any guy who looks at an anorexic hermaphrodite on the cover of Cosmo or Elle or whatever rag is currently telling you to upchuck your lunch for the sake of a size 0 dress is probably a bone stabber anyway, so forget 'em. But it isn't the pedophiles writing that crap--and it isn't men, either. It's you women who are doing this to yourselves. And because of that, I have been charged by all of the males of our species to make a public service announcement about this practice. Here it is:
STOP IT ALREADY DAMNIT!
If you need that in a different format, I can do it with math:
Kirstie Alley > Calista Flockhart
Y'all got the picture? Please eat a steak, some potatoes, and whatever dessert you want. Hell, have two-with ice cream. I wont tell. And you can still work out if you want, and get into whatever physical shape you feel is the best for your health. No one will try to stop you. Just stop trying to look like prepubescent boys, it's freaking creepy and all the folks with Y chromosomes are more than a little concerned for your health. Except for the douche bags, but they don't count anyway because they are probably pedophiles (as explained above). Lastly, if you happen to be one of those unfortunate women who are undersized naturally, I have some good news. I have asked around and some women who have been especially blessed in the curve department are willing to share a little of their genetic good fortune in order to allow for a groundbreaking new surgery I have developed--a reverse of the liposuction procedure, if you will. Ladies, I give you lipoinduction! Now let's make size 12 or 14 the new zero, okay?
There goes my phone. I bet it's the Nobel Institute, finally getting around to recognizing my genius.
Laters.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
This one is about the FDIC
I checked my online banking account today and discovered that I had been charged for something they called "excessive activity fees." The bank (Wells Fargo) explained it to me as an FDIC regulation. According to this regulation if you have a savings account you can be charged $15.00 for every online transaction you make after six. I happened to make eight, so I was charged $30.00 to my savings account. Sort of a bounced check fee, only I had the money--they just took that money from me because I had the temerity to try using what was mine in the first place.
I can't exactly explain why I am so offended at this. After all, the government and our banks do things every day that are stupid and criminal. I reckon this time, I have just had enough. I feel they fucked with me one too many times and it is now my duty to fuck back. I am trying to get that Change.org site to make a petition for me, but can't use it because I signed someone else's petition and when you do that they create an account for you but don't tell you what the password is--so I don't know how to log into the account and their website instructions on how to change your password are entirely fictitious.
If anyone else has any ideas, let me know. Apparently the 'creative revenge' center of my brain is on vacation or broken right now.
I can't exactly explain why I am so offended at this. After all, the government and our banks do things every day that are stupid and criminal. I reckon this time, I have just had enough. I feel they fucked with me one too many times and it is now my duty to fuck back. I am trying to get that Change.org site to make a petition for me, but can't use it because I signed someone else's petition and when you do that they create an account for you but don't tell you what the password is--so I don't know how to log into the account and their website instructions on how to change your password are entirely fictitious.
If anyone else has any ideas, let me know. Apparently the 'creative revenge' center of my brain is on vacation or broken right now.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
I was going to make a post about the recent panic-buying of guns and ammunition, because it's really pissing me off--you can't find ammo anywhere and prices for both guns and ammunition have gone through the roof. Then I decided that was a lost cause, at least for the foreseeable future. What's pissing me off next after that is our lack of a real winter.
This is the second year in a row we have had temps over 70 degrees (F) in January. What the hell is up with that? Where is my snow, damnit?
I think we can avoid the fact of global climate change any more. Don't panic, though--I have a cure! We just nuke a few countries, like Iran and North Korea (before either nation gets ahold of a bomb that can reach us) and maybe a few others (just to keep the riffraff silent), and the resulting nuclear winter will even everything out.
I have just saved the world. Now wheres my Nobel peace prize, damnit?
This is the second year in a row we have had temps over 70 degrees (F) in January. What the hell is up with that? Where is my snow, damnit?
I think we can avoid the fact of global climate change any more. Don't panic, though--I have a cure! We just nuke a few countries, like Iran and North Korea (before either nation gets ahold of a bomb that can reach us) and maybe a few others (just to keep the riffraff silent), and the resulting nuclear winter will even everything out.
I have just saved the world. Now wheres my Nobel peace prize, damnit?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)